My Lenten Failure and Prayer
I spent the past couple of weeks determined I was going to start an article about a network that I feel it is important to be spoken about, to talk about how our world has fallen so far. I never started it. I looked into a few of the people and groups that I believed where important to this but never actually formed any coherent thoughts. I kept coming back to myself, my inadequacies, my failures, and the paths that I have chosen to go down even when I knew they were wrong.
To make it even better, I started lent with the best of intentions, I was riding high after the first week of hard fasting, following a study everyday, praying the rosary every day, and exercising everyday. I thought that I would follow through for the rest of lent, I got comfortable and believed that I had this, I didn’t. I chose towards the end of the week to turn my focus from repenting for the punishment Christ endured for me to instead of how I deserved.
I spent the next week frustrated and annoyed, I was unable to fast at all that week I kept telling myself tomorrow I am going to get back on track, tomorrow didn’t happen. I was convinced that I could do this and get back on track without truly dealing with the self-obsession I had chosen over God.
Then the person that I was having these thoughts about wanted to talk, not about anything any related to me or how I was acting but instead to just talk. He reminded me that he is just another person, that he is in the image of God. My wife, God bless her, put up with me when I didn’t even know what my problem was. She loved me through it even when I know I was probably short with her even when she didn’t deserve it and she hasn’t even brought up my wrong doings just happy that God brought me back to peace.
After doing that once again, as I am so loathsome to do, my arrogance flexed it’s ugly head and the sin that preludes all others reared it’s ugly head again. I have know for quite some time now that I am naturally arrogant, I have prayed for it to be taken away from me, I try my best to take steps that lead me to being humble but I still stumble.
When I do I stop doing anything that I feel God has called me to do because I don’t want to, I start doing things that I wish I didn’t want to do. I want to hate that which is not evil. I want to be aggressive even when it is uncalled for, I want to treat other people like they are a problem to be solved or an issue that is in my way.
The things that I know are good for me and bring me peace are the things that I run from. After one week I forsook the prayer that I see immense wisdom in and chose to walk away from it.
Empty Me
Fill Me
Use Me
I know that more than likely no one will see this or pay attention but I know that God hears and word that I say, think, and reads every word that I put on paper. I wish I had more for anyone that does take time to read this but the best I got is this at the moment. I have a confession, a prayer, and hopes to follow what God tells me to do better in the future.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.
Lord, Empty Me.
Empty me of all sinful desires, empty the pride that I cling to so naturally, empty the hate that I have for others made in your image, empty the questions and doubts of following the plans that you have set forth for me.
Lord, Fill Me.
Fill me with the Grace and Peace I so desperately need, Fill me with the wisdom to follow you and discern your path even in the most obfuscated times. Fill me with the mercy that I should show to everyone at all times. Fill me with the discernment for good and evil that I so desperately need and the ability to follow your path to protect everyone I care about from everything evil.
Lord, Use Me.
Use me to further your kingdom, Use me to say the things that you want said when you want them said. Speak through me as I am inadequate at the best of times. Use me to point out evil anywhere that you show it to me. Use me to guide my wife and children along your path and along your will. Use me to be an example of whatever you would like of me. Use me in anyway that you see fit, show me the path and give me the strength to walk it.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.
Once again to anyone that is reading this I am sorry for not following through with what I feel called to do. I understand that this may not matter to anyone other than God, but the important part was for it to be said, not for it to be heard. For the one, if there is any, that God intends to read this will read it and will get something from it that I didn’t even know I was capable of giving. Thank you for reading and God Bless.
If anyone has anything that they would like to be looked at in any form or fashion please leave a comment and I will gladly try to delve into the Void for it.